it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
