i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
