I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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