there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My balls are so social today.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
