Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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