I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
