The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
