First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
