I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
