Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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