This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
