Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
