Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
