just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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