he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
