I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
