he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
