never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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