you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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