Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How's work?
Spinning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
