you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
