Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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