I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
