My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
