I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
