All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
