Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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