umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
