he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
