She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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