dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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