boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
