You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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