i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
