All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
