Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
