fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she told me i tasted like america
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
