They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
