and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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