you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
