mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
