talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
