it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
God, I missed his penis.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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