saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
