I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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