I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
