If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
