Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize