He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
