Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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