the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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