I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
