I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
