Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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