You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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