guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My liver just broke up with me...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
