I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
