just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
