I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
