drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
