she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
