i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Floor bacon is actually really good
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
