I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
