What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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