i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
