Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
