It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
