My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize