my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
