Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
