His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Come on in and take your pants off
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