The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
