This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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