I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
