don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
