and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
