How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
