I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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