i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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