In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
