i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
