I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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