I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
