This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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