K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
