turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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