He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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