You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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