bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
