brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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