So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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