do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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