he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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