I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize