I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
