chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
