Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
