the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
