just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
