I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
look no pants
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
