my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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