I'm jealous of your bromance
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
