Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
