he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
