Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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