CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
