we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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