operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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